~Millard Fuller

Some blue for Monday blues.

I have had a lot on my mind lately. Almost to the point where I'm unable to get anyhing done because of overload. I'm re-evaluating my life, my priorities, I see things I have thought certain and strong crumble.
I'm supposed to start baking for my cousins matriculation exam party next week, I'm also supposed to take her matriculation exam pictures. And I so gladly do. But right now I feel that everything is just slipping out of my hands.

Especially now, in these times of exams, of joyful new students wearing their student hats. White and pure.
And I remember when I stood there, happy, awaiting the next step in my life. With the diplomas in my hand, with my white hat on my head. Celebrated by family and friends. Free.

I was supposed to do great things, achieve so much. And I feel I have let that young me down. Graduating as the top of my school with a lot of pressure and expectations, from friends, teachers, and most of all from myself.
Where I am now? Have I done anything of significance? Have I used any of the abilities I possess?
It's almost ten years ago. What have I done with these years? What could I have done? Where could I be, if I just had continued to work, to achieve, walk the path I knew how to walk? Studying, reading, writing, researching, gaining knowledge. Instead I went another way. A way that brought me where I am today. A good place, yes, but...

Still those thoughts haunt me. What if. Still those shackles laid upon me during the school times rattle and ring. I should be somewhere else, doing something more... significant. Which would be what? And what is significant anyway? What is significant to me?
The hard part is to be able to recognise what I want, not what I'm supposed to want. I still struggle, hoping to find peace some day.
Being an adult isn't that easy, is it. Finding ones way, ones path among all the possible ones.
Add to this, it's autumn weather outside, storming, raining. +6'C. A fabulous blue Monday indeed.

*laughing*

I hope you, each and everyone, have a wonderful new week, whether you're sure or unsure about your lives. Let's make it a blast shall we! :)

This is what you get for 3 college degrees. (LS ltd. Edn. Photoshoot '10)
-- Shawny D.